Pooping in Public: The Great Equalizer

What happens to us? When we’re kids, we don’t think twice about twirling in public or hiding behind clothes racks to jump out to scare people. But then we grow up and we eat of the tree of social awareness. The serpent on top of the tree is dressed like some hot shot executive and he says,

“Come on now Meredith, you don’t really want to pull your dress up over your head and go screaming around the deli isle, do you?” And the serpent shames you into putting the hem of your dress down and go about shopping like a normal human being.

The funny thing is that our kids are normal human beings, just small, extremely one side of the brain, human beings. Which brings me to the thing that makes me laugh about them ALL the time. Pooping in public.

This is an equalizer to all parents. Look, we can dress them as nice as we want to and teach them to count to 15 and spell their name, but this is still going to happen and it’s what makes us all on the same playing field.

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about. I was in the store the other day and I was chatting with a mom while waiting to load my groceries onto the checkout belt. We were making great conversation about pre-schooling and I have to say, I felt like I was being pretty articulate about the whole thing. Then all of the sudden, Henry gets that look. Now, if he reads this blog as a teenager, he’ll kill me, but my son is one of the loudest public poopers there is. His face gets red, his eyes bulge out and, as if he’s about to turn himself inside out like a transformer, he says, “Pooooooooppppinnnnnggg!” It’s as if this entire process only happens to him and he needs everyone to know it.

It’s always awkward because I never know if I should continue the conversation as it’s happening or wait for him to be finished and then continue. Both moms know what’s happening and I think, due to the fact that both moms have eaten from the tree of social awareness, are kind of drawn to this primal behavior and the conversation has no way of continuing.

I mean, can you picture this happening at your job with your boss?

“Ladies and Gentleman, I called this meeting today to discuss the status of this years finances now that we are nearing the end of this fiscal year and… hang on…. POOOOOOOOPPPPPIIIINNNNGGG!” You wouldn’t be able to look away! It would be fascinating, yet mildly disgusting, that this was happening in front of you!

That’s why toddlers and young kids are wonderful. They’re are human beings in their truest form, especially at the age of two and there’s nothing we, as parents, can do about it.  It’s funny to think that at one point we were all like that, sitting in a shopping cart pooping and not giving two cares who knew about it. We were grabbing onto strangers hands because their pants matched our father’s and of course, Dad is the only one that wears grey slacks. We were spinning until we almost threw up, just so we could feel what it feels like to be dizzy. We just “were” and it was great.

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