humor, motherhood, parenting

Damn, You Morning People… You Were Right All Along!

There are people, like my husband, who love to get up with the sunrise. They like to get up at that time and they are actually functional at that time.

I am not, nor have I ever been one of those people. In fact, those people used to really annoy me. Life is not that wonderful that you need to be that enthusiastic about taking part in it at 5 AM. Now please don’t talk to me, smile at me or even acknowledge my existence before you see this disposable cup of coffee emptied into me and in the trash can.

That was the old me, the before kids me. I had the luxury of being a horrible grump at 8 o’clock in the morning… after having a full nights sleep… without anyone crying to wake me up.

Things are different now. I have two kids to keep alive at 6 AM. Two kids that expect me to be “on” and functional. All of this BEFORE my blessed cup of coffee. This is where the change began to happen, the minute I had my son, I began to envy with a green passion filled envy, those morning people.

You people are wired to have kids! I am not biologically… or on most days other ways, wired to have kids.

I am wired to be an old New York City cop who sits in her police cruiser with bad cups of coffee and performs stake outs. I’m wired to be a fly by night graffiti artist, a gambler, a mobster, a bartender, a prostitute (in the hours only), a midnight dock worker… or any other midnight job. I am a complete night owl.

Think about it, the night is alluring.

You put the kids to bed and, if you have semi-good sleepers, the night lays ahead of you, hours of quiet and peeing in sweet solitude. You can watch television shows with adult themes, drink a beer without anyone asking you what you’re drinking.

Nighttime is adult time and everyone at nighttime knows what an adult beverage looks like… all of us nighttime dwellers are drinking them.

If you’re lucky, the night time can be a time to reconnect with your significant other, or at least lounge uninterrupted against his or her shoulder.

The nighttime is an amazing time.

But, then, it’s morning. Morning, is like the hangover after a really good party. At 6AM your kids are jumping on you and crying, asking for things and screaming and for a moment, just like the hangover, you’re asking, was it worth it last night? Throwing caution to the wind and forgetting the morning would ever come.

It came and will come every day for the rest of your life and until these kids are out of the house, the morning will bring this same chaotic energy that must be faced before I have my coffee. Sigh. Damn it.

But… what if I can change myself, change the way I’m wired? What if I get up at 5 AM, that would give me one whole blissful hour of coffee and writing time before the train of the day is barreling down on top of me.

A hangover can be relieved with a sip of the dog that bit you, right? That extra hour might be my bloody Mary. The key will be not overindulging in that wonderful allure of night. Have a bit of something amazing at the end of the day and a bit of something amazing at the beginning, not eat the whole Thanksgiving dinner every night.

I’ll let you know how this goes, keep you posted during this whole “rewiring” process. If it is successful, I’ll be a happier, more sane mother. But if it’s not, it’s no big deal, I’ll just get used to not seeing my reflection and having a hankering for type AB negative.

1 thought on “Damn, You Morning People… You Were Right All Along!”

  1. I bet you’re sick of me starting sentences with “don’t worry, it will get better…” but…it’s true! C now regularly sleeps until his alarm goes off…at seven!! (And yes, that’s with lights out at seven-thirty on the goddamned dot). I can wake up at 6:30 and get myself awake and pleasant….or pleasant-ish. šŸ™‚ Good luck with your re-wiring!


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