Autism, parenting, thoughts

An Open Letter to my Spectrum Child

Hi Love,

I’m writing to you to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t have all of the answers. I’m sorry I wasn’t born a special educator.

There are so many days I feel like I’m failing you because the only training I have are motherly instincts and sometimes those can steer me wrong.

I’m sorry that there are days I can’t understand what you need me to understand because we are both speaking two different languages and there will never be a translator good enough to quell the frustration we both feel.

I’m sorry I get frustrated.

The frustration comes from love. It comes from desperately wanting to communicate with you about feelings and emotions. I want to know everything you’re thinking so I can unlock the puzzle of easing your anxiety.

Some days it’s heartbreaking to see you struggle and have no clue how to help you.

I’m sorry I make big mistakes.

Some days I feel like I’ve got a handle on it and then I realize I’ve been saying the wrong things, doing the wrong things.

Some days I’m sorry that you have me for a mother.

But then you laugh at something I say or you and I share a joke about something only you and I could ever find funny because you are so much like me. It’s then that I realize how much we really need each other.

There were so many times growing up I felt like I needed a translator for this crazy world too.

I’ll be yours, my love, if you’ll be mine.

Let me see what you see and I’ll tell you what I see. Somewhere in there we’ll make sense of it.

Both of us are standing in front of doors hiding incredible views, I know we can hand each other the keys if we work hard enough.

Love, I will never be the perfect parent.

But we are perfect for each other and that’s one thing I’ll never be sorry about.

I will never be sorry about not giving up. About going back the Rosetta stone as many times as it takes until I can speak your language fluently.

It’s the missing Romance language, the one I, and the world, must learn as more and more people are born with beautiful minds like yours.

So, if you have the patience, I’m listening Love.

I’ll always be listening.

 

 

 

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