So I’m not a horder… at least I think I’m not. I’m just a classic closet abuser. They’re there and they’re stuffed.
My closets are death traps. When do I have the time or energy to deal with them? Never and oh yes, never. And you want to know something that’s equally horrifying, the curse travels to my cupboards too. You know the phrase” out of sight out of mind”? Well the phrase that best suits me is, “out of sight, bound to kill someone in the near future”.
I trick my husband all the time. He comes home and he says,
“Wow, the apartment looks amazing.” I say a simple,
“Thank you” and then cleave my body towards the closets. He can’t open the closet doors, I’m too young to be a widow.
The apartment becomes a metaphor for my life and me, in general. I may look one day when you see me that I have everything put together, but don’t you dare look in my closets. If you can get the damn thing shut again once it’s open, you will never want to look in there again. The avalanche might kill you.
Sometimes I do, in fact, get sick of getting concussions when I open my closets and cupboards and my husband takes the kids for the morning some Saturday and I work all day to get one organized. Then one is set for a while while the other four go untouched.
And just like my life, sometimes I get sick of the crazies getting to me and I go for a run or do something that scares me and I have cleaned out that closet for a little while. It feels good to have that closet cleaned out. Maybe I kid myself into the thinking that I’ve turned over a new leaf, but then months go by and damned if the thing is cluttered again.
I realized this year that I’m not alone. I thought forever that all parents had clean, neat closets and cupboards in their houses, physically and metaphorically. Then I began talking with other mothers and fathers, not just about deals at Costco and which brand of fruit snacks their kids prefer. I actually tried talking to other parents about their struggles and mine, the scary down and dirty mental and physical struggles of parenting. As always, there was peace in knowing that my struggles and challenges were not mine alone. Every parent I’ve talked to has stood where I am now or been through what I have and more.
For a months, I had stopped working on this blog, because I was too afraid about posting things about my children. Would they hate me as a mother because I was telling too much about them? Was their privacy being compromised? I stopped in August and since then I realized there was a huge hole every day for me. This blog had given me a lot of peace. It gave me peace thinking that I could share my internal struggles, not the day to day struggles of my children, but my own. It gave me peace thinking that if it helped me to start clearing out my closets, maybe it would help others to know they are not alone in their clutter.
So I chose to start back up again, with the promise that I would not be sharing any struggles my children are going through but only sharing my broad views on parenting day to day life.
I’m back and so happy for it! Thank you for your patience as I sort through this junk in here.