I’m sitting here writing to you in pants that have a fitted waist! Holy cow! This is such a departure from my previous post. But today is Saturday which means it’s Duh Duh Duh
Dum! Role Reversal Day!
What is Role Reversal Day, you might ask? Well, it’s an amazing thing my husband and I have put into place just this week and I am so excited, I can hardly breath!!!! (I mean, look at all of those exclamation points) Role Reversal Day will be happening once a weekend. It’s a day when Andy takes care of the kids and I work.
But wait a minute, I’m a full time stay at home mom, I don’t work. But there’s the cool part of it. Sitting at a coffee shop and writing for the day, is my job, as deemed by my incredible husband.
No distractions, no butts to wipe, no temper tantrums to quell. Just me and a blank computer screen. (I think there are times that I would take the butts and tantrums over that).
I am being gifted something not everyone gets. Every day I meet single parents or stay at home parents who’s spouses work weekends or nights. They couldn’t even wrap their minds around having this time. I’m blown away that this “Role Reversal Day” is even on the table, which is why my pants have a button today and not elastic. This is why I took a shower, blow dried my hair and even put deodorant on to be here. I am being gifted with a “work day”, I need to treat this day as if it is just that, a “work day”.
If I had a nine to five job, paint covered Long Trail Brewery sweatpants with “Take a Hike” across the butt and greasy hair shoved under a snow hat wouldn’t fly, so on Role Reversal Day, it’s not going to fly either.
How can I take this remarkable gift and squander it? Every Role Reversal Day, you will no doubt be hearing from me here on my blog and then I’ll be working on every writing project I have cooped up in this rat trap brain of mine during the week, plays, screenplays, short stories, novels, sketches, stand up material. It’s all coming out on Role Reversal Day!
How did this come to be?
The other day I dropped my son off at school, got home and cried my eyes out on the couch. I cried because next year he’ll be in kindergarten and my daughter will be starting preschool. Just like that the intensity of having two children, or even one child home with me all of the time, is winding to a close. While others might be excited for the wiggle room, I’ve found myself terrified.
For five years, this has been my identity. I’ve allowed it to be that way. I find myself thinking about my kids and nothing else. I cried that day because, yes, my son and daughter are getting older, but also because there’s enormous black hole heading my way and I haven’t taken the time to try to fill it.
That black hole is my identity.
It makes me wonder if I even had one before I had my children. I have hinted previously that I felt like my life was adrift before I had my son. He and my daughter have provided me with the stability I have searched for my entire life.
I need to be able to say, thank you guys for the stability, now I’ve got my spring board to get down and dirty and fill that black hole. You give me the “coming home point” to take chances and try new things.
It’s hitting me that if I don’t do this, try to find myself again, I’ll head down the path of not being able to give that same thing back to my children. They’re starting on new adventures too. My son will be in school full time in September. He’ll be out in the world, finding out who he is, finding out what makes him tick and so will my daughter for six hours a week. (The same as me!)
If I don’t do this now, I’m going to sufficate them. I can already see it happening. I have to consciously tell myself to give them space. Let them be. They’ll figure it out.
This mode of thinking is trickling into my New Year’s Resolutions too. One of them being to be less of a worry wart when it comes to my kids. I plan on getting a bicycle for my son this summer and my daughter. Helmets too!!!! Good God, can I get them suits of armor? Would that be a good compromise?
Let them be Meredith. Stop rushing to them. Let them fall and get back up. Let them have a strong relationship with their father. Be okay with knowing that you will come home on Role Reversal Day and see toys out and not know the story behind how they got there.
Let yourself breath a little Meredith, even though the breathing room is scary and new. In doing so, you’ll let them breath too.
Role Reversal Day was something that needed to happen. When you lose yourself, sometimes you don’t even understand you have, until someone points it out.
Thank you Andy for holding the mirror up.
I promise I won’t let you or the kids down.